Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
