i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
