I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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