Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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