I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
