I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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