I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
