I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
