i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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