so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
