Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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