I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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