You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
