i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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