Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
