we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
