Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
