So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
