Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need a beard to bite.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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