I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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