I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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