I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
