My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
