It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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