Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize