I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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