Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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