Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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