Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
