well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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