I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
