he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
jump out the window naked night went bad
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