How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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