The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
