i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
