I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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