i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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