you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
