i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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