I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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