There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
