Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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