Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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