I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
