I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize