I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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