how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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