there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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