dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
