I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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