so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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