Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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