If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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