I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
