we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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