I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
