Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
