Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
