cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
