How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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