Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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