I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
