I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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