my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
