Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
