i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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